While we all talk about the troubles women still face in India, we kind of a turn blind eyes to the other half of the coin, the MEN. We readily consider being a man is easy, and rightfully so, but surprise fathersucker! there are terms and conditions applied, you can be a man and live a life where no one judges you only when you are following patriarchy in every step of your life. And trust me when I say, it’s not only women who are being constantly judged by the society, but men as well. And what makes me say or think so? well you can blame it on personal experiences paired with observation of our day to day act.
So what do we want from a man? or if I be a little more specific, what does our society want from a man? well, answer is simple, a man has to be manly (who defines that anyway) chiseled body, unemotional, always high earning than his female counterpart, do things how “a man would do” and so on and so forth. But the common theme remains the same throughout the expectations, “like a man”. Now who defines what it is really like to be “like a man”? what defines our masculinity? You take care of yourself, you groom yourself, society will tag you as not so masculine. They, in fact invented a new term called metrosexual, to segregate these men from the rest of the mankind. If you wear anything of your color choice, be that pink or any other color which is not considered “manly”, you will be questioned about your sexuality or gender identity.
You are barred from showing any emotions publicly. Because, come on, you are a ‘Man’ and as they said in hindi, “Mard ko dard nehi hota”, (A real pain feels no pain) and that makes me think if I can meet the dude who circulated this line, I would definitely kick his balls to see how much real a man he is. A man is expected to be the angry youngman, (Amitabh Bachchan fever, eh?) because crying is for noobs and women (yeah we consider women to be noob, don’t be surprised). You are not allowed to cry, you are not allowed to feel depressed, because you need to be the living, laughing, fucking, symbol of valor, stupid is the one who said true courage is in accepting your weakness and move past it.
As a man in Indian society, you can not talk to a girl without any dirty intention. Because men always think with their dick, right? you are nice to a girl, people will conclude that you are flirting with her or trying to get in her pants. And for a moment don’t even think that most of the women don’t share a similar mindset. You try to talk a stranger, it will readily be concluded that you have some dirty intention. I remember as a kid, I had quiet a few friends from my opposite gender and most often than not, I heard my friends and some family members pass remarks like, oh she is your girlfriend? are you going to marry her? which one among them you like the most? Dude!!! I’m a six year old kid, who has other interesting shits to do than think about these. Why don’t you go and fuck your wife or yourself if the former is missing and leave me alone? I grew up. I stayed at one of my college friend’s house as we were on a trip in her hometown and she invited us. But once the college started, I had to face questions like, what is going on between us? because you can’t stay at a mere friend’s place if there is nothing going on between you too. And if you try to be nice to everyone, society will tag you gay. Because you can not talk nicely to your own kind unless you are sexually interested in them.
And you might be thinking, that amidst all these, you can get support from the opposite gender as they too are fighting against patriarchy. But what can you expect when most of them are fighting for the authority. I know, if you are feminist you will come pointing your finger at me. But, no matter what you fight for or you are believing, the main struggle here is for the power. Because in most cases when a women rights group wins, their whole point of fighting comes down to men bashing and abuse of their new found power, but not for a single moment, the betterment of other women. Otherwise, the idea of feminism would not be restricted in cities for most of the part. Our dear feminists would have traveled to the remote corners of the country to teach them about the women rights and equality. But we are busy minding our own business here, losing track of fundamental ideology of the movement. Except for a few women, who are working round the clock to bring equality in true sense and spread the awareness, not being bothered about their own benefit from this, so a big salute to them. And others? they will talk about equality but grab the ladies seat first in public transport even if that means fighting with an elderly man who needs the seat more than her, they will sue a man on the ground of sexual harassment just to take revenge, they will file cases against their husband under on the ground of domestic violence, where as most of the sexual harassment, rape cases and domestic violences go un-reported because those women don’t have the privilege.
Your skin brushes a woman’s body in a crowded public transport, you will have to face the humiliation. Though this is not the doing of women alone. Our forefathers has set the ground long tie back while they tried to satisfy their deranged libido, by pleasure of touch.
We, as Indian men, today are haunted by the doings of our forefathers, we are constantly torn between our own kind, who still holds on to the idea of patriarchy, and the feminist group who took the extremist approach to “Eradicate” male gender from the face of the earth. We are choked by a society that constantly judges us for everything we do, the expectations our society has from a man. And you think being a man is easy, when you can’t fall into any group? Think again.
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