Sex, Love and Everything In Between

Starting an article with the big and bold “sex” word will draw two kind of attention, one is of sheer curiosity and other of the curiosity that is a result of long standing taboo around the word “sex”. But, whatever is the reason for you opening the blog, is least of concern for most of us. Trust me, it is.

Whenever, someone says the word sex, it causes a general arousal in our head, if not all, atleast most of them. And in India, this is often regarded as a topic of either juicy gossip, like “You know, Mrs. X’s daughter had sex with Mr. Y’s son, that too before marriage. Anyway what can you expect from a single mother’s upbringing!!” (Trust me, I heard this kind of conversation more than once!). Or at times it is a hush hush thing that you shouldn’t be talking about, like in school’s sex education class! (I studied reproduction system of a frog in my school’s sex education class, for one long year, until school decided to drop this “awful” subject) . And I am still not clear about all the melodramatic taboo around sex, may be we were born by means of asexual reproduction and then evolution took a dirty turn and sexual reproduction got introduced.

But as I was growing up in my “beloved” “cultured” Indian society, I was bit curious (well not “bit” a lot) and I was always deemed bad influence for the others, I mean who would allow their kids to befriend another 13-14 year old kid who goes to chemist shop to buy sanitary napkins for his mother.

But that thing aside, we always have a general notion that you should be having sex with only one person in your lifetime, with your husband your wife. Well, the rule is bit relaxed for men, they can have more than one sexual partner if they wish to (Benefit of being the authority figure in the society, you see). But girls are deprived of this privilege, if you are bad girl, a bitch, a slut, a whore and what not, because a woman trying to play the exact same role that a man plays on a day to day basis is obviously a bitch, a slut, a whore! You can cite the example of Draupadi, but she was more of a sex toy for all the five brothers, did she tell you that she enjoyed having sex all of them? I don’t think orgy was that much a thing back then, and even if it was, the whole “five brother marrying one lady” was done without the consent of Draupadi and she was forced to live with it.

So coming back to the “one life, one love, one sexual partner” ideology, why is it like that? why do we confuse sex with love? whereas two are often two separate thing. Sex is as primal as hunger, thirst, and all the physical necessities. We need it just like we need food and water. Love is a different ball game all together. And there is overlapping zone of love and sex, which we lovingly named “Making Love”. But can you deny the need for sex for a person? may be someone needs it less than the other person, may be some doesn’t feel it at all. And all of them are okay. Otherwise how come whorehouses are a long standing tradition around the globe? I come from a city, that hosts South Asia’s largest red light area. (Yes, you got it right, I’m a bong).

I for one has engaged in fair number of sexual encounters, with girls who were not looking for a long standing love, rather a one night stand, a hook up. I know, right when you read the last word, you frowned a little bit, because most of the time we read articles that tell the bane of a hook up culture. And I’m not here to preach you about anything, or justify my actions or justify the actions of others. But if you crave sex but you don’t want to fall in love, or you are too caught up in your fast paced life and in a stage where you can not afford the emotional attachment that love requires to prosper and bloom, why can’t you hook up with someone whom you find interesting enough? Isn’t it like, staying hungry because you can’t afford a plate of Beef steak but you can still afford a happy meal?

And the most judged and frowned upon party in all this thing are women, because we expect our women to be soft spoken, only water drinking, pious person. A girl should not drink alcohol, smoke cigarette or weed, and sex without a relationship ?? God save the civilization, tower of babel is about take place once more on the face of earth. As a matter of fact, few days ago I was scrolling through my Quora newsfeed and read the query of a certain dude, who is thinking of dumping his girlfriend because she had numerous sexual encounter before meeting him. So the only criteria to judge a woman in 2017 is how many men she has slept with, (Less the number, the pure she is) and women with their hymen intact is considered a real deal, because being the first one to have sex with a lady boosts a man’s ego like nothing else. Where as, the scene is opposite for men. The more the number of women he has slept with the better “Man” he is.

And in all these fiasco, we made it a point to forget the physical demands of women, so when we hear of a movie called “Lipstick Under My Burkha” that tells the story of fantasies of women and other apparent “controversial” topics, we ban the film. Yes all this things that I said before was for this particular movie. Indian censor board has banned the movie because it portrays women in “bad light”. “bad light” is not when a woman lip syncs with a song that has lyrics like, “Main toh tundoori murgi hu yaar, gatak ja alcohol se” (Oh I’m a Tandoori Chicken/chicken steak my dear, have me with alcohol). Bad light is when we acknowledge the hidden fantasies of the opposite gender, because they are less than a human, only meant to be confined in the kitchen. The censor board has deemed the film unsuitable for Indian society, the same society that skips the TVCs of condoms in front of their 5 kids, the same society that ogles at a busty woman, and takes out the frustration on wives by legalizing marital rape, the same society that stares at couples holding hand in a park, and comes back home advising their kids to not fall in love and only sit for arranged marriage, the same society that calls a girl slut and a boy hero for the same action. To think of it, the movie is really not suitable for Indian society. And all I can hope is someday the whole scenario changes. Till then, be bold, be badass.

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