The Last Letter

I know you are not here, here to read what I am about to say about you. But things have changed a lot since you are gone, and every single moment I wish it is all just an elaborate joke, and may be someday we will bump into each other in some other place, and you will be as amused to see my surprised face as you were when I was too stoned to finish my ice cream properly.

I have always despised my alma mater through out my life. You came from the same place, and always made me wonder, why you were so different. Because you were always with the bunch, as one of them, but you and I both know that you never were one of them. You always “smelled like teen spirit”, unabashed, who is not afraid of speaking her mind up and to think of it, we were quiet opposite to each other. But we knew the secrets we shared with each other, because you were the sister I always wanted, the free spirited and kind hearted.

At the same time, we both were the kind, who would hide behind the curtains when they have endured enough crap of the world. So when you said, you wanted to go in to hiatus, I didn’t stop you, because I do the same from time to time. But little did I knew that it would be our last conversation.

How funny life is, isn’t it? I always thought that I had plenty of time to catch up with my friends, and I never bothered to call them up first to know how they are doing. And I was perfectly fine with it, because so far I have seen old people dying, none of my age, leave alone people younger than me. But you made the exception, just like you did in numerous occasions. I was always afraid of people dying, people who I hold close to, people I love and respect. And even though I never told you, you were one of those very few people whom I respected and admired, because you were a lady in your own terms, one true soul in the pretentious crowd.

I still regret not talking to you when you were here, because when you were gone people came up with crazy theories. And they were the people who called themselves your friends. And I still sit here, not knowing what made you leave. Still clueless about everything. I tried to call everyone that night like a madman, just to find the reason of your death. Because I was unable to believe the theories others were putting forward. And I still believe that someday my phone will light up with your name and you will have a hearty laugh, because you were able to fool me. Trust me, that very well will be the best moment of my life.

I can go on and on with all the things I have, to tell you. But let me just finish it with one of my favourite songs,

“Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I’ll find my way
Through night and day
‘Cause I know I just can’t stay
Here in heaven

Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please, begging please

Beyond the door
There’s peace I’m sure
And I know there’ll be no more
Tears in heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on
‘Cause I know I don’t belong
Here in heaven”

– Eric Clapton (1992)

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