The Boy Who Lived in The Abyss

It’s been long since I have written something. no matter how much it helps me to clear my head, from time to time, but you see usual office schedule and pushing other important things leaves a person only with insufficient amount of time to sleep, leave alone writing. But there are things that demands to be spoken about, things that are long being neglected because apparently they don’t exist for most of the human population, because come on, how can we believe in something that we haven’t faced ourselves, obviously we’ll be making fun of people who suffer from it in their day to day lives. Mental illness is one such thing, and boy!!! it has many faces (if you are afraid of people with two faces, this thing is 10 times fearsome than that). But it’s funny how most of us dismiss mental illness as a made up concept, as people often say it’s all in your head, as if it’s unreal thing and people are talking about this to gain sympathy (Only if we could understand that most of the people with mental illnesses doesn’t want sympathy of any sort, unless it’s coming from his/her close circle).

If mental illness is “just in your head”, there is no way we can deal with it. No matter how strong you are, mental illness is like the abyss that sucks even the mightiest. It’s like fighting batman fighting superman driven by bloodlust, without his techs or gears or kryptonite. It takes along time to get out of this darkest abyss. It’s unlike all other diseases, where just a medication will make everything go away. It needs time it needs patience and it needs to be worked on. And one of the infamous form of mental illness is depression.

Last year around this time I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with a score of 8/10 (with that much percentage in academics, I would have gotten into some kickass universities after graduation). And I was given medicines which I later found out to be laced with mild euphoric drugs and counselling sessions. But none of this worked apparently, as occasional bouts of anxiety attack was still a persisting thing. Substance use took the form of substance abuse

It was around this time, I went into a relationship, which lasted only a good few months, as it was becoming increasingly tough for the partner to put up with my depressive states, as I used to withdraw from any human interaction for days. And top this delicious cake with the cherry topping of a shitty job. So I had to decide to call this one off. Quit my job as well, travel to some music festival, cooled down, and it still took me to climb out of that dark abyss. Thankfully I had friends and strangers alike, who would just stand there and help in sorting things out.

But, now when I look back I see certain patterns in actions which are common for anyone suffering from depression. And It’s really very hard for someone who hasn’t experienced it first hand, to comprehend depression in it’s entirety. Because unless you see darkness, you can not think of anything but light. So no one can blame you, rather you are the lucky bunch who doesn’t have to face your own demons. Because slaying a dragon or sticking a magic wand in a trolls nose is a rather easy job, than looking your demons in eyes and say “You don’t intimidate me”.

We, who suffer from depressions we have mood swings, and those are some pretty sick extreme mood swings. Instead of wondering whether it’s because of their gender or not, trade with care. You will not leave you but, we want you to be patient with us. Patient with us on those nights when we even hate the sound of our own breathe. Instead of saying “it’s just in your head”

I know it’s hard for anyone to love someone who is going through a phase of depression, because we often withdraw ourselves from any kind of communication or human interaction, and that is bound to piss someone off. We often put up all glittery shiny outer appearance to hide behind it, if you are loving someone with depression, you have to look past it, look in the eyes of their demons, and trust me when one is depressed for long, these demons become their closest ally.

So if you ever find yourself in love with someone who is suffering from any form of depressions, be patient, if it’s not their outer appearance that you are in love with. We don’t need your sympathy, we want you to listen us, listen as you mean it. Never tell “It’s all in your head” because it’s not a made up thing, consider yourself lucky if you haven’t been through depression or panic attacks and anxiety attacks. But just because you didn’t faced it, that doesn’t make it fictional thing; like once I was told, “two tight slaps, and all your depressions will go away”. Someone with depression is bound to go through mood swings, even if they don’t want to. There will be time when they will be extremely happy, like to the nomadic point of madness, and it will be followed by a depressive state, where we cut of all the communication. So you are bound to feel the heat and you can either try to help them through it,  reading more about depression or you can accuse them of being cold, choice is yours.

And if you, my dear friend, are suffering from depression, I know asking you to have courage is a lot more to ask for. Because at the similar stage, nothing made sense to me as well. But it was the willingness to come out of it that helped me through. Even when you are thinking the world has given up on you, and there is no one to listen to you, let me tell you, there are people who understands you without judging you. And they will listen to you, they are extending their hands to help you, all you have to do is hold their hand and seek happiness in small things, because big things don’t happen everyday, so it’s really the small things that will give you simple joys and help you light up your darkest corner.

Image Courtesy:
Original Image by: Christian Hopkins, photographer


3 thoughts on “The Boy Who Lived in The Abyss

  1. Okay, so don’t you think a sound communication would at least lessen the trouble the depressed person was going through? Like, the person on the other side might not have real knowledge about it. The biggest problem of this generation is ‘communication’, people do not communicate with each other frequently, openly, and accurately these days, hence, creating gaps and misunderstandings. Again, it’s all perspectives.

    Also, you live in that bubble that you’ve created for yourself, unaware and unaffected by anything else or anyone. Let that bubble burst, look outside, life has many things to offer, many people love you which you fail to realize, trust me on that. People aren’t that bad as you think them to be. To borrow your words, it is really the small things that will give you simple joys and help you light up your darkest corner and most importantly you should also learn to appreciate these small things.

    Anyway, in a nutshell, hope people rediscover self-love because, without it, you cannot love life.


    1. Depression is such a thing, you don’t feel like communicating all the time, and specially when it’s an “imaginary” thing for most, anyone suffering from depression will restrict the communication, if they feel, that the other person might not be well aware of the darkness. And yes, our generation is lacking behind in communication, for them staying in constant touch through instant messaging apps is more important than a simple old school phone calls. We text, we mail, but we don’t talk.
      And that bubble most of us live in nowadays, is one of the many forms of unhealthy coping mechanism we develop overtime. Instead of forcing someone who is going through the phase, we should have patience, which again our generation lacks.


      1. If a person is suffering from depression since a long time, like for a year or more, then seriously one needs to find a way out. Ultimately it is going to benefit you. Again, a wrong notion that goes around is anyone not going through the “phase”, terms it as “imaginary”, at least any sensible person will not do so. People often extend their hand, but the other person might think it to be the other way round and hence all the confusion. It is in this darkest moment that friends can become angels and angels become lifesavers – literally!

        I know, at times it is very hard to get depressive people to talk (about their problems, or for that matter anything else). They’d rather keep to themselves pretending that their problems have no solution and that no one can possibly help them out. This, needless to say, perpetuates a vicious cycle of more depression.

        Yet, communication about feelings is usually better undertaken in a place where the person feels emotionally secure. Trust me on this, if not anyone else, talk to your parents. Unlike others, they will not leave your hand, I suppose. It’s not that difficult to let your pent up frustrations spill over. And as far as I know, depressed people often feel worse at the thought of there being nobody available to talk to them, or of people being busier than they are.

        Lastly, depressive episodes can and do pass, and many people can live happy lives while managing their condition.

        P.S- Just some honest thoughts, no hard feelings whatsoever!


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